Introduction

Xander: Forgive me father for I have sinned

Father: Go on

Xander: I’ve treated women poorly father

Father: Have you beat them?

Xander: No. But I have rated them 1-10 in my phone. And invited them to events based on that rating.

Father: Go on

Xander: I’ve fucked….sorry, I mean fornicated. I’ve fornicated with these women. In the clubs. In the bathroom at these clubs.

Father: Go on my son

Xander: I’ve insulted these women. I called them fat. I told them to take their ugly friend home and come back to the club. I may have called them a wildebeast and said that her open toed shoes looked like she was baking bread. I’ve called them a cougar and clawed them all night with my paw.

Father: You have much to confess

Xander: There’s more. I have discriminated against others based on their race.

Father: Oh my. How have you done this?

Xander: A Middle Eastern gentleman tried to get in my club. I denied him.

Father: I guess that’s not so bad.

Xander: And then I tried to explain to Ali Baba that he and his girlfriend could get in but his 40 thieves would need bottle service.

Father: That’s racist

Xander: There’s more father.

Father: Oh no

Xander: I have much to confess. Drinking in excess. Sex. Coveting. Adultery. Bearing false witness. Wearing Affliction. What should I do?

Father: What do you mean?

Xander: Hail Mary’s? Our Father’s?

Father: Huh? You know you’re in a bathroom stall right?

Xander: I don’t go to church, you’ve all I’ve got man!

Father: Um, I guess you could tip the bathroom attendant.

Xander: Then what?

Father: You could confess online. Like a blog or something

Xander: That’s a great idea father!

Father: Oh, and stop calling me father. It’s creepy.

Xander: You’ve got it. And one more thing.

Father: What?

Xander: Say Xander’s list at the door!